


Dilemma of the Heart

by integral_love



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/M, Gen, episode tag: cr2 e107, the romance is there but it can be read as platonic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:27:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26373460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/integral_love/pseuds/integral_love
Summary: After her conversation with Vilya Veth thinks about her future. Going home to her family should be easy, right?
Relationships: Nott | Veth Brenatto/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 3
Kudos: 33





	Dilemma of the Heart

**Author's Note:**

> A big thank you to the lovely A_nonymous_000 for beta reading this and saving all of us from far too many run on sentences ♥

It was the first time Veth had spoken about her family, her fears and feelings to someone not involved in their group. Vilya had helped in a way, had offered the perspective of a mother and a guardian that none of the Nein but Veth knew. But Veth was no fool and knew she had come to Vilya seeking to support one point of view in particular. She also knew that her predicament was much more complicated than what Vilya had seen.  
  


It was the truth, Veth missed Luc with all her heart. When she thought of all the firsts she had missed, of all the firsts that were yet to come, her heart grew heavy. It wasn’t quite that simple though, no matter how much Veth wished it was. Against her own will her eyes found her friends in the crowd. The celebration was joyful. The pressure on her chest was immeasurable and she wondered if some of the villagers of Vo felt the same way. If they felt as torn between two families as she did.  
  


For a while Veth stayed where Vilya had left her and watched the festivities. The embers that danced in the night reminded her of the images Caleb had produced, the images of Veth with Luc, of Nott with Caleb, of all the Nein. In a way she envied those past versions of herself.   
Veth Brenatto had had a good life with a loving husband and a perfect son back in Felderwin. Veth Brenatto had been content, happy even. Nott the Brave had enjoyed her life of thievery and adventure, had had a partner in Caleb and friends in the Nein. And though she had always kept an eye on her past, she had been content to let it rest.  
  


Before Caleb had returned her to her body Veth had been afraid of changing, had been scared that all that made Nott Nott would vanish. But the truth was far more terrifying, and it had taken a while for her to realize what Caleb had alluded to so calmly when he had called her Veth the Brave. Being Nott had changed Veth far more than she had initially thought. She wished she could say her goblin self had left claw marks all over who she had been. That Nott had sunken her teeth into the marrow of Veth and taken away the simple joys of life. But no matter how much the thought appealed to her, she was not foolish enough to see it as anything but a bold lie she had woven to protect herself. The truth was that being Nott the goblin had not taken parts of her personality from her but had given her an appreciation of freedom, a carelessness and strength, a sense of adventure, a second family, and a second love.  
  


It was here where Veth stopped and shook her head in irritation. It was one thing to admit that Veth Brenatto and Veth the Brave were not quite the same. But to acknowledge that part of her dilemma was rooted firmly in her confused heart was unacceptable.   
  


Veth loved her husband. She loved Yeza. These two sentences are redundant. It reads better to just call him her husband or Yeza. She loved him, she loved him, she loved him. She didn’t love him enough. She had thrown herself at him with every bit of passion she had in hopes that her heart would settle back firmly into loving Yeza. It would be easier to justify sacrificing her adventure for the people she loved most if that were the case. Though her love and devotion for Luc remained unchanged and she longed to hold him in her arms again, her heart was a traitor. It had been far too easy to walk away and follow her friends. To follow Caleb into a new adventure under the guise of finishing the last one. And now her heart was torn more than ever. She had not missed how Caleb followed Jester around and did what he could for her. But she had not missed Yeza’s absence in Caleb’s projected illusion either. Caleb, as Veth had learnt, was man of actions rather than words. He puts his hand on Beau’s shoulder when he saw through Frumpkin’s eyes because he trusted her to see for him. He made magical statues because he wanted to help Jester and see her happy. He spent days working on magic to turn her back because it was something she had wanted. He burned their enemies with his strongest flames if one of them was in serious danger. He made magical pictures of Veth and Luc without Yeza and one of Nott and himself because… because… Veth really did not know.  
  


With a deep sigh, Veth turned around and made her way to Vilya’s house. It was a quiet place now that Vilya was gone and the Nein were out in the village. Carefully, Veth took a cup of leftover tea from the morning and sat down in the middle of the open space with one hand flat on the wooden boards. In her mouth the tea was cold and bitter, a bad stand-in for the warm and soothing tea Caduceus usually handed out after fights. In the same way, the house was little more than a stand-in for the warmth and safety the dome offered when they slept in it.  
  


More than anything, Veth wished she could use logic to think her way out of her predicament. She had tried to make a list of logical reasons to stay or go more than once and each attempt had fallen apart quickly. She wanted to leave because she loved her family. She wanted to stay because she loved the family she had in the Nein. It was a conundrum that made her heart ache.  
  


A groan ripped Veth from her thoughts. Just seconds later Caleb came into view, pulling himself over the ledge of the platform. He was anything but elegant when doing so and his lack of physical ability brought a smile to Veth’s face. The humour was fleeting though, and by the time Caleb stood straight and looked at her her mouth had settled back into a frown. Veth had avoided being alone with Caleb for a while now, and it had almost been too easy. Of course her luck would fail her when she needed it most. For a moment her wizard looked at her with an unreadable expression. Veth wanted to squirm under the scrutiny, but before she could do so he looked away and moved to sit down next to her. Veth wondered what he was thinking, finding her up here on her own. Whatever it was he did not say. Instead they sat in silence. The warmth radiating from Caleb was inviting and within a few minutes Veth found herself leaning against his arm. It was a comfort she had not allowed herself in a while (comma?) and she felt herself drifting off when Caleb’s voice, barely above the muted sounds of the party, brought her back from the brink of sleep.  
  


_“The tea… äh… you might want to put it down. Wouldn’t want to waste it.”  
  
_

It took Veth a moment to respond, what with her mind sluggishly trying to make sense of his words.  
  


_“Oh! Eh, it’s terrible anyways.”  
  
_

Her voice matched his in tone when she answered, but in spite of her words she took another sip before setting the cup on the floor as carefully as she could. Caduceus would not appreciate a broken cup after the week they’d had. Caleb hummed quietly in lieu of an answer and Veth thought he would say no more when he snapped Frumpkin into existence. Almost as soon as the fey cat appeared on his lap, the wizard sunk his hands into Frumpkin’s fur. It took little more than that for the cat to flop down and stretch out over Caleb’s lap with his paws outstretched to Veth.  
  


_“You want to leave, don’t you? You want to go home to your family?”  
  
_

His voice faltered, uncertain and rough and if Veth had expected him to speak at all his words would have surprised her anyways. She shuddered, tried to speak, closed her mouth again and turned her head to look up at Caleb. Caleb, in turn, did not look at her, but instead far away past his hands and his fey cat. With a shuddering breath, Veth brought her eyes back to look at Frumpkin and began to pet him. Her other hand burrowed in the arm of Caleb’s jacket, and for a fleeting moment she wished she still had claws, to hold on just a bit better. Finally, she said,  
  


_“I don’t know. I am already with my family.”  
  
_

It was not a real answer to his question and Veth thought Caleb could not possibly be satisfied with it. But it was the closest thing to the truth she could admit for now. To Veth’s surprise, Caleb said nothing, did not ask her to elaborate, but moved one of his hands from Frumpkin to cover her hand on his arm. They stayed like this for a long time. Just before Veth drifted off she heard Caleb whisper,  
  


_“I can’t really ask you to stay, but I am a selfish man. Even with the Nein here, I don’t know what I would do if you went where I can’t follow.”_  
  



End file.
